Ken’s Guide to the Bible, by Ken Smith

Ken's Guide to the Bible

Imagine that you did not have a strong emotional bias concerning the Bible. Imagine that you did not have a desperate need to find some way to interpret it all as true and as consistent with a morality of love and peace. Imagine that you had not been brainwashed from infancy by your family, peers and society to at the very least regard it as an extraordinary, beautiful book worthy of great respect and reverence, if not the infallible word of God.

Imagine instead that you could actually approach the Bible anew, in an objective, unbiased, open-minded way, with no impulse to rationalize away any parts of it that don’t fit what you want or expect to find there. What would you likely conclude about the Bible, and about the God depicted there? Would you be awed by its philosophical profundity, its amazing lack of a single factual error in hundreds of pages, its literary beauty and aesthetic perfection, its sublime and inspiring moral message of love and kindness and respect for all? Would it be apparent that such a work could never have been written by mere mortals without the divine intervention of an all-powerful, all-good, God of love?

Yeah, right. As Ken Smith’s Ken’s Guide to the Bible proves on page after hilarious page, the Bible is an incoherent mishmash of idiocy, insanity, and unspeakable cruelty. Ken’s introductory description of the Biblical God is dead on: “Bloodthirsty and vengeful, despite the claims of New Testament writers. Excels at killing people. The scariest thing in the Bible.” We’re all in trouble if anything remotely like this monster is actually governing the universe.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Instead of pussy-footing around in fear of offending and “disrespecting” those sensitive souls who can’t bear to hear the truth about their religion, Ken piles on more and more evidence of how absolutely ridiculous and inhumane are so many of the stories and teachings of the Bible. I find myself frequently going back to Ken’s Guide to the Bible with the intention of browsing a few pages for laughs, only to inevitably get sucked into re-reading most or all of it.

My only complaint about the book is its brevity—barely a hundred pages. It’s over much too soon. Surely there are even more absurdities in the Bible that the author could have included. I urge him to follow-up with an expanded edition of this book in the future, or perhaps additional works on other infallible holy writings inspired by the God of one of the other one and only true faiths like Islam, Mormonism, Hinduism, the Nation of Islam, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh Day Adventism, etc.

Read Ken’s Guide to the Bible and have some laughs. (And try not to bring yourself down by dwelling on the fact that you’re surrounded by folks who insist on running their own life and yours according to whatever precepts they selectively take from the Bible, or at least imagine they’re getting from there.)

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